The Stops

Tonight is only slightly better than last night. It's just been one of those couple of days.

I had some wine and food with a former client tonight, one of my favorite people in the world and she was so kind and wonderful. And genuine. And cool. And gracious. And cute.

It gives one hope. In humanity, I mean.

I feel a little out of control. I feel a little unhinged. I feel a little unanything.

I miss my girl. I hate the distance. I hate the distance. I think I might have mentioned that one before.

I hate the financial instability, real or imagined. I hate only having one solid client. I, oh fuck it, I'm fortunate.

Remember that, asshole.

Soundtrack: Elbow.

"I can't undo the day
It won't go under the rug
I pull out all the stops
And you, you pull the plug

These are soberer days and I know it can't be
But I'll miss you the way you miss the sea

Just don't look down
Keep staring like you've never seen the stops
If you need me to remind you who you are
Little blossom there's the shiniest soul
Just behind those eyes

No longer my affair
Well I can't go there just yet
So I've come to love and trust those friends
That are holding your net

Falling off used to mean
Maybe grazing a knee
And I'll miss you the way you miss the sea

Just don't look down
Keep staring like you've never seen the stars
If you need me to remind you who you are
Little blossom there's the shiniest soul
Just behind those eyes

While I won't second guess
What you're thinking of me."

Photo Star: Meagan.

Depression and Distraction

Two things I have right now.

Embrace.

I saw "Stop Loss" last night and it is an amazing little film. And it completely ruined my evening, to the point where it took a phone call to my sister in Austin to rescue me. OK, not just the film, just a bad Sunday. Sometimes everyday is like Sunday, right, Morrissey?

Yep.

Listening to Elbow right now and it's not helping. Watched Kansas beat Memphis in the last NCAA OT seconds but, no, that's not helping either.

Eating "Crispy Squid" from Long Tan right now and it's not helping.

Nothing is helping.

Putting off shit I know I should do.
Putting off shit I know I should do.
Putting off shit I know I should do.

TTG.

Time to go.

Vittoria from two Decembers ago...

If You Could Save Yourself, You'd Save Us All

Ween, as Pink Floyd, from their next to last album, "Quebec."

Listen again.

"On a free ride home from the embassy
I saw the Governor, and his lover holding hands
When I got to my place, I emptied my suitcase
And opened the windows wide

If you could save yourself, you'd save us all
Is that what you called me for?
Is that why you're knocking on my door?
The time I've spent, working myself to death
Thought that's what you wanted
I thought you needed my help
To make it good again, to make us strong
To make you happy, to push you along
And gain some respect, to be thrown a crumb
I was on my knees, when you knocked me down

The wheels fell off, the bottom dropped out
The checks all bounced, I came in your mouth
Your mother came calling but there was no one around
The trash caught fire when the leaves turned brown
The vultures were circling when the circus left town
I left you a note but I wrote it in disappearing ink

If you could save yourself, you'd save us all
Is that what you called me for?
Is that why you're knocking on my door?
The time I've spent, working myself to death
Thought that's what you wanted
I thought you needed my help
To make it good again, to make us strong
To make you happy, to push you along
And gain some respect, to be thrown a crumb
I was on my knees, when you knocked me down."

Jessalyn, as a cool vintage 8mm camera wielding chick, in my kitchen.

This Is a Song by Lou Reed..

"There she goes again
Shes out on the streets again
Shes down on her knees, my friend
But you know shell never ask you please again

Now take a look, theres no tears in her eyes
She wont take it from just any guy, what can you do
You see her walkin on down the street
Look at all your friends shes gonna meet
You better hit her

There she goes again
Shes knocked out on her feet again
Shes down on her knees, my friend
But you know shell never ask you please again

Now take a look, theres no tears in her eyes
Like a bird, you know she would fly, what can you do
You see her walkin on down the street
Look at all your friends that shes gonna meet
You better hit her

Now take a look, theres no tears in her eyes
Like a bird, you know she will fly, fly, fly away
See her walking on down the street
Look at all your friends that shes gonna meet

Shes gonna bawl and shout
Shes gonna work it
Shes gonna work it out, bye bye
Bye bye baby
All right"

This is a photo of Celia...

Punk Rock Lesson

The Germs.

Seminal Los Angeles punk band fronted by Darby Crash. Eventually, guitarist, Pat Smear played with Nirvana on the "Unplugged" session and later joined Dave Grohl's Foo Fighters briefly. Darby died of a heroin overdose in 1980. Pat is still alive.

Their album, "(GI)" is a "must-have," Ann Taylor style.

It is available here:

The Foo Fighters recorded a song on thier second (and last great) album where Dave name checks "Manimal," a song off of The Germs' "Forming.'

Listen.

"I have a choice between the bat or the belt
Each time I hear about the hand you've been dealt
Spare me confession it's confession you sell
Maybe I'll fall behind but I don't mind because I'll catch up

I want a song that's indelible
Like "Manimal"
I hope you never see me wind up

Will I be happy on the back of the shelf
Will you be happy when we're sharing a cell
Spare me your questions since you know me so well
Someday you'll realize that I get shy and I choke up

I want a song that's indelible
Like "Manimal"
I hope you never see me wind up
What is wrong with this animal
I'm terrible
I hope you never see me wind up

Farewell my sweet paramania
Farewell my sweet paramania

My only promise is that I'll never tell
Keep you at a distance from the things that I felt
I'll bite the bullet take the beating until
I take it all back anyway what was I supposed to say?

I want a song that's indelible
Like "Manimal"
I hope you never see me wind up
What is wrong with this animal
I'm terrible
I hope you never see me wind up"



Shakti. Who is punk rock incarnate. And never saw me wind up...

Squalor

"Could I ever explain this feeling of love?
It just lingers on
The fear in my heart that keeps telling me
Which way to turn

We'll wander again
Our clothes they are wet
We shy from the rain
Longing to touch all the places we know we can hide
The width of a room that can hold so much pleasure inside

Here am I alone again
A quiet town where life gives in
Here am I just wondering
Nightporters go
Nightporters slip away

I'll watch for a sign
And if I should ever again cross your mind
I'll sit my room and wait until nightlife begins
And catching my breath, we'll both brave the weather again

Here am I alone again
The quiet town where life gives in
Here am I just wondering
Nightporters go
Nightporters slip away"

Japan & David Sylvian.

Listen.

Meagan and Pan.

Look.

Find the musical and visual connection. It's a puzzle, of sorts...

Wonder.

A Cat Threw Up on My Holga

Sorry Stacy...

It'll get all cleaned up and shit, I promise...

Jesus.

This is not gonna win me any "sexytime" on Fleshbot or A Fuck A Day.

Oh well, whatever.

Interested, Nerve?