My Friends...

...tell me STUFF.

Important stuff, revelatory stuff, stuff one should pay attention to. Or ignore. But at least I have a support system that I can dismiss. Or accept, which is the hardest thing to do, unless they are universally 'right' which I always acknowledge. Always...

I'm angry. I realized this yesterday, sprinkled with moments of love, well being and happiness. But I tend to gravitate toward the negative. I should be a stand-up comedian. I am, for all intents and purposes.

1,2,3,4...

When I'm angry, I go all - for lack of a better term - punk rock (DO NOT argue with me right now). Meaning, I just say FUCK IT, sometimes to my own detriment (nine stitches, being saved by an angel in the Dekalb Street subway stop). But I do not have a defwitch. I repeat...

DEFWITCH.

So, the world is gonna have to live with me. FOR A LONG TIME.

What makes that better? Therapy? Sure. Medication? Always-ish. Self-medication? Sometimes, but not tonight.

Here's the deal:

It's hard to explain, but, sometimes, just because I can, I hit the city...

...and I know a ship comes in every day. Because you're a fire escape.

I want a tattoo that says 'beauty" but I haven't earned it yet.

Or have I?

Cover Star: behind the scenes @ the K+R shoot
Headlining Band: Mr. Lanegan

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The Ass Kittens

I am wide awake. And that's what I want The Ass Kittens to be.

Wide awake. Real.

MOST of the people I know do NOT think that The Ass Kittens are a real band. Hell, I don't even know if, honestly, my guitarist and bass player think it's real.

But I do.

I want to do this.

My bass player and guitarist told me tonight that we shouldn't just record, which I want to do to make it real. They said we should rehearse, you know, be a real band. Get our chops down, and do not make a comedy record, which I do not want to do. And they were right. Correct. Sex positive, et al.

It's kinda nice when people you care about and people you want to perform with break it down for you. I do it all the time. Ask me a question. I'll always tell you the brutal truth.

So, we are gonna rehearse. On Saturday. It MIGHT suck a bunch of ass. I don't think so, but it might.

I'm not scared.

Bear with me. It might be GOOD.

Cover Star: TAK
Headlining Band: Dave Grohl & The Foo Fighters

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Fuck You, It's Magic!

What was I supposed to say?

Stay.

Cover Star: feathers
Headlining Band: The Giraffes, 08/28/09

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Save The Skins For A Pelt And The Rest For A Belt

"Well it's cold and it's quiet and cobblestone cold in here fucking for fear of not wanting to fear again lonely is all we are lovely so far but my heart's still a marble in an empty jelly jar someday suppose that my curious nervousness stills into prescience clairvoyant consciousness I will be calmer than cream making maps out of your dreams but will psychic ability kill the nativity or simply diminish that flinch?"

Thank you for reaching out last night. I miss you like hell, too.

Cover Star: MMS. Tables turned...
Headlining Band: TV On The Radio

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I'm Not Sure What They Were Thinking Of...

Toad Hall.

Cover Star: Two Muses.
Headlining Band: The Giraffes. The second The Ass Kittens cover and the vinyl 45 B-side.

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James M. Graham, Monograph

Burn Down Another Night

I am trying to quit smoking again. My last cigarette was Monday night at approximately 11pm so it's been 48 hours. I've done this before - hour 72 is going to suck, unless I light one up.

It's time. As my mother told me today, I've developed a cough. Who knows what the inside looks like?

I have a weird history with smoking.

My father smoked from little kid until a year after, that's right, a year after I was born. My parents were both children of tobacco farmers in rural North Carolina. My mother never smoked.

I did not start smoking until I was almost 35 years old. I thought that it was those kids who started when they were 13 that are fucked (and you are), so I started to bum cigarettes.

Then I bought a pack. Right around December 31, 1999. New Year's Resolution - to start smoking. Twisted, fucked up and odd. Perfect. More a story than anything else - and the resolution was to smoke for just one year. That's a non-smoker talkin' there, boy.

It didn't really take until September 12, 2001. Then it took. Hard.

I smoked regularly until Spring of 2006 when my then girlfriend and I went hiking up a "mountain" in Woodstock, NY. I got winded. The next day I threw away my remaining pack (smokes still in it) and quit cold turkey.

For 18 months. Until that girlfriend and I broke up. November 2007. And I purposely bought a pack and haven't looked back, even though in my village, they cost upwards of $13.00. And most of my friends smoke or at least bum them from me and smoke. And most of the people I've dated smoke with just a few exceptions.

Anyway.

I spent the majority of the weekend and the last almost four years smoking way too much. Excuses, explanations, habitual drug use, and that sweet relief for the jones that comes with that first puff.

I'm gonna try to quit now, once again. Key words: Gonna Try. It's so fucking ridiculous that one can look for support on Blogger or on Facebook, by writing and/or posting about it, but one can. I am.

I might buy a pack tomorrow. Don't judge me if I do.

But knowing me, I probably won't. For a while at least...

Cover Stars: CD & JG by CW. One of the last cigarettes.
Headlining Band: The Leaving Trains. The first The Ass Kittens cover.

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