Saturday, January 05, 2008
Drug Delivery System: 2008, Part Two
This is my newest, most favorite photograph that I've ever taken.
Might be personally defining. I KNOW it is. It was taken in my living room.
Fuji NPZ800 120.
Mr. Dulli continues to speak to me and helps get me through this shit. I said this to Lauren in Raleigh over the "holidays" - there are two themes in his work. One - he got fucked over. Two - he fucked someone over.
I didn't fuck no one over. No one. Ever.
So, I like half of his work right now. I'll keep the other half for when I do fuck someone over. It's good, too.
I've never appreciated his current and back catalog as much as I do now.
It's nice when your personal poets come to your rescue.
I stole a ticket to see him on Valentine's Day tonight. Sold out show.
I don't have any idea what I'm gonna do next, but I'm gonna do something, I promise, I'm gonna do something.
Might be move to Berlin. Might be sell my ass on 23rd Street. Might just sit here and work out my anger through my work and my personal motivations. Might join a Monastery. Might do heroin. Might, might, might...
Probably will just try to find comfort in my new life. Somehow. Somewhere. Someone. My friends.
Did I mention this: friends are important.
I think I did.
I don't think anything is funny anymore. And I've got a great sense of humor. Every little thing is so profoundly upsetting, so poignant, so stupid, so human, so insane.
My New Year's Resolution? All filters off. To say, act and create exactly what I feel - everyone else be damned.
Angst isn't pretty.
Here's how Dulli felt:
"Since you're aware of the consequences
I can pimp what's left of this wreck on you
Bit into a rotten one, now didn't you?
Now I can watch you chew
Did you have blinders on my dear
Or were you just willing?
Or was I unaware of the damage a lie can do?
I thought you knew
Drive it off
Punctuate it with a smoker's cough
Light it up
I told you somebody's going down, now
Spit it up
Get it out
Let me kiss that beautiful mouth
Tell me is it the same?
My sweetness, my everything
And is this condescending a comfort at all to you?
We bit into a rotten one
Now didn't we?
Well, baby now it's through"