Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The More I Lose The More You Find Me


"So immediately after
I see her everywhere
and I really do
I go to the hardware store to buy a hammer
a hammer
big piece of steel with an ergonomic handle
and I do
and I walk out and she walks by
with Eurotrash boy, probably from Queens
or worse...Seattle
or much worse...Toronto
but whatever
they are right there
and I have a hammer in my hand
I told the hardware guy I didn't need a bag
it comes with a handle
and time stops and so do I
and then my movie goes into slow motion
but they keep walking @ 24fps
and I'm @ 2fps or less

I fly in from the world premiere of something
black tie, Washington, D.C.
home of Fugazi, who I do not meet
but I met a foxy marine biologist
and that makes up for the lack of punk rock
land the shuttle at LaGuardia
and ride the taxi for thirty-five bucks
home doesn't have toilet paper, food or beer
so I venture out
corner of Houston and Broadway
walking hard
boots making noise
and there she is
perpendicular on Houston headed West
not left, but West
with her friend Greg
one of the most pathetically pompous people
I've ever had the displeasure of meeting
she's locked arm in arm with him
tonight, isn't she
motion, mine, slows
they move past

One night coming home from somewhere
I see her on Houston street
I'm not convinced it's her
but I am terrified that it is
terrified because
I have no response
and I fucking hate

I have not seen her since although I
see her everywhere still
long blond hair in black
I always check her walk
If it's together
and not fucked up like a newly born mare
then I know it's not her

I see her less and less now
but she's still there
like a clown
waiting to jump out
and wave
and smile"

- Random Journal Drivel, January 2000

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